What would you do...

What would you do if everything around you collapsed
As if battered from a violent storm
Everything that was real to you, now no more
Only the foundations left struggling to hold together

What would you do if you saw a light,
Went towards it, pulled yourself from the gloom
Then realised the night still comes
And you have to fight the fears that come with the dark

What would you do if the music stopped
The song that always played in your head
Taking you through the day, making you smile
Is it possible to find it again? Would you want to?

What to do if you run out of energy
Draw on the strength of the foundation...
...the glow of the light
...remember the melody
Find some extra stores you have somewhere
And hope those don't run out before the end.

Dear Carnival Jumbies, ...

Hello to everybody clicking thru from over by Saucy!

This blog is prob not what yuh expect, yeh i get lil sidetrack... But anyways, hope allyuh Carnival shaping up nice. I still stick up in de cold, missing yet another Monday and Tuesday. But my time will come!

So to all who go be home palancin this year, give thanks and stay safe!

Till nex time...

"I got more than I could ever ask for..." - One Year Later

The last note read "maybe this calender will be a tradition"...maybe... oh the things we wanted to happen but never did...the so many things that we can still hope for that still have all the chance in the world...the things that can still become traditions...

It's been a crazy year. Big-sisterhood has been a challenge, treading new ground, figuring out how to handle new situations. Of course its gone both ways: there have been difficult times - school has certainly been a challenge, for both of us; guys, for both of us haha; and yes soccer, again for us both; there's been getting through family shit; and sticking with it when one of us was the problem. But its been rewarding just as well - learning more about each other, giving more, being patient, understanding better, having someone looking out for you, trusting more, finding theres someone who can always make you smile, the connection proven undeniable.

So many moments...from track meets to parking in reverse, from planning colleges to planning to head my wedding party, getting back on the field at last, switching roles between spectator and player (that was fun), Chips, comparing notes about PT, middle of the night txt messages, encouraging words, sharing our deepest thoughts and experiences, anonymous flowers, inappropriate convos haha, beach!, boys!, moments of incredible tension tempered by those of real affection, missing the exit on the highway, just chillin out talking, a hug...

I'v said before it was an unequal relationship. I know now why I said that and I now want to withdraw that statement and confirm that you dont need the same things on each side of the scale, as long as it balances then you'r good to go. To be more accurate, I should say as long as you'r aware of the balance and appreciate whats going into it then...
...then when things happen that would threaten to throw it off, like people smoking, people being overbearing about it, overprotective, like surgery, like prom drama, like people being bitchy, The Decision, like not seeing each other, like Aunty saying shit, or even like accusations of physical abuse when it was clearly a fish ...then when things happen you figure out what you need to do to restore the balance. I have to mention there were the times when I just didnt get it, and I benefitted from displays of maturity and wisdom beyond the average 17 yr old.

And now we are in the most difficult period thus far; one where we will keep looking to the future standing on what has been built in the past; one where you just have to believe; one where appreciating things will take on a whole new dimension; one where if I was to look down the road to writing another "one year later" I have no idea what it would be; one where everything will be challenged and tested; one where we will learn even more about ourselves and each other; one where we will enter new chapters in our lives; one where I will keep looking forward to the next dinner when I will once again most skillfully steal that red velvet desert off your spoon.

I guess i decided to write this again cuz its always good to stop and look ...and to follow the advice a certain lil' sister gave me recently:

"just remember your past, live in the present, and look forward to your future"

unconditional...