"i got more than i could ever ask for, a big sister"

Kinda didn't see that coming... or did I ... Nobody really stops to think where things are going in a relationship until you reach some kind of turning point or epiphany... I suppose that was the moment from a 16yr-old.

I had coached her in summer, week long residential camp. Great kid. The next summer I got her again; and what a fabulous team that was! It was good preparation for her; entering high school and being all nervous about try-outs. In hindsight I probably didn't appreciate the significance of her asking my advice all the time, telling me how nervous she was, telling me how tryouts went every day, how team lists were being posted on the wall, how she made Varsity as a freshman, how the season was going; then later on how different it was with her club team, club tournaments, going to regional championships, how she's learning to take her penalty kicks like mine, looking forward to camp again...

It's so far beyond football now....

Hey how was your day today? I have sooo much homework. Oh I have an exam on a Tale of Two Cities, know anything about it? ooo one of my favourite books! Great! I'm still reading and its tomorrow. Tomorrow?! yeh help? ok ok And i got sucked into helping her, and in the long term trying to correct her dislike of reading. Still working on that by the way... Now I'm given unsolicited progress reports, so to speak: which classes she likes, which ones are easy, some drama that happened that day, when she had a test, how it went, when she has a project, can I help?... Alot like myself, keeps high standards for academics so I appreciate when she's working at something; and now I'm back in school again we share that focus and understanding.

So there's this boy... ha ok...? I get the history, the background, what's going on, what she thinks what she feels, when there's another interest entering the picture, whats happened with that, the exhilarating moments, the unsure ones, the lows, trying to teach her how to "play the game", trying to help her get over the last one, advising on the new one. Oh so how's MY lovelife? Well seeing as I've been with the same guy forever even though we are apart alot, I've somehow managed to now be a good example of how to work through difficult situations with guys and it makes my advice more real to her.

What's in this really....?

I'v pointed out so many times that we have such a unique relationship...for two people of such different backgrounds, experiences, ages, cultures... to have found that we have alot in common and could get along so well... It is an unequal relationship of course: she looks for my advice on most things, I do ask her advice on some things, she gets all worked up over things, I don't, she looks up to me, I feel protective. I'v gotten involved in a way that she comes to me with her most personal thoughts. I'm happy to keep them in confidence, she appreciates every moment.

All the hypothetical questions, conversations, looking at her reactions and responses.... going from talking online and having the "security" of the screen to actually preferring to talk in person...from going to watch her play every now and then to sitting in traffic for 7 hours on our way to Six Flags... from being her soccer coach to her driving instructor... from having a laugh and talking at camp to now sharing an affection that she so aptly defined above.

It is quite alot to take in, to think back on, to think of where it's got to, how special she has become and her significance in my life. Helped a whole lot with the cultural aspect of my coaching education I can tell ya that!! And that in no way trivialises anything. In fact makes it even more significant because I know she would like to know that she helps.

I suppose i decided to write this cuz its good to stop and take stock sometimes...but like a certain person said recently:

"theres so many aspects to our relationship that i couldn't possibly kno all of them at this given moment could i?"

six months later....

no the title has no further meaning than it has been nearly exactly 6 months since I last wrote on here. And what an eventful time it's been. Makes you wonder why I didnt write about it in here doesn't it....

I have realised that things tend to take over my life in a way that time away from those things are spent in rather mundane ways such as...hmm...watching tv? haha Or randomly surfing on here (there again another reason i could have been blogging more, i was actually ON the internet) It is amazing when I think of it how much time I can kill just randomly searching and reading about things on here. Last week my connection was down for lets say 2 and a half days. I was the most irritated stressed out person ever!

Anyways...small recap of the 6 months? Coaching, Coaching, Coaching. Coaching takes over my life...i think about planning the next session, how the last session went, and what tomorrow is going to be like. This is during summer camps when i'm on 12 hours a day. Yes they'r residential camps so I have to entertain adolescents for alot more time than 3 sessions a day. Yes three. In addition to meals and other off-the-field time.

After that was day camps. Less hours but now they are on top of you every minute and there is no time in between to truly assess and tweak your next session, plus I have to drive there and back which contributes to the exhaustion. Plus make my own food....

After that was preseason. (did anybody notice any break time here?) I ran a preseason camp for a school that has come to residential camps every year I'v been there. I was working in the afternoons and chatting almost overnight. In fact I remember chatting one night until friends in Europe started signing on and saying good morning, until I saw light in the window. But I digress...coaching.

High school season, travel season, Oh and one more new thing: school. Yep it was back to school for me. Exercise Science and Kinesiology. A most interesting major; added to the stress of Fall coaching but I'v absolutely loved those classes. Thought it might be a good thing to actually have a degree related to what i'v decided to do in life: become a coach.

Ah yes NOW we really get down to the crux if it. In the time since my last post I have decided, or some may say accepted, that this is what I am doing with my life. For all i enjoy it, it wasn't an easy decision/realisation. Maybe it was the magnitude of the decision after having been kinda just going with the flow for so long. Or maybe it was, as one friend put it, the realisation of how much I influence I have on those kids' lives. There I was being told how good a coach I was, how much the kids like me, how they learn so much from me bla bla bla, all stuff I'd heard before. And then here comes one girl who tells me she "was expecting camp to be horrible but [I] made it fun and comfortable", tells me I "ooze ease", I was "personable, no other coach was like [me] at camp", she "enjoyed the sessions", and I "pushed [them] when [they] needed it". She had known me for not even 5 days. To think that this was the effect I can have on people was profound. And to think, in hindsight, that this is the effect that I HAVE HAD, made it all the more intense. During the high school season I became even more sensitised to it looking at the way the girls would react to things. The way some of them would seek not only my advice but also my confidence.

So here I am finally on Christmas break and hopefully I will have some time to reflect on all that. And also to think about my next post which should in fairness be about another huge focus in my life: a lil sister =)


till nex time....

R.I.P George Carlin

"I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately"

- George Carlin

Mars again

I'm sitting here watching the "major coverage" of the Pheonix landing thing and recalled my Mars post and it STILL blows my mind how much money is being/has been spent on such a venture: $420 million (all of which could go down the drain should anything go wrong). What surprises me even more at this point though, is that I haven't heard any presidential candidate talk about this cost. Umm do people realise its taxes that pays for this? While there is pollution, crime, poverty, unemployment, and war, should the American sense of adventure and willingness to showcase technological advances take precedence? Seriously, this is beyond me. Maybe I dont have my priorities right....

"new" dog food

Ahmmm... yuh know how long my dog eatin rice and peas? and a lil mango for dessert. When they comin out with a fruit someting?

Today a funny thing happened....

A little girl asked me why my skin is brown.

It was one of those moments when the kids are getting to know you, you're actually having fun coaching them, you can tell they like you, and then boom they start asking personal questions. My spurofthemoment answer? Cuz people are different.
Seemed to work.
Follow up question: where are you from?
The Caribbean, how about that?!!
Wooow

This was during a water break. So the session continues and later I only had to deal with more innocuous inquiries such as what was my favourite colour. But it really makes me stop to take stock of how much of an influence I have on the kids I work with, the things they pick up from me other than soccer, the things they might think of me as a person, how I make them think of things.... New team for Spring, it's gonna be an interesting season.

Welcome to Spring

SO happy it's brighter and warmer and soon I'll be outside kickin' some ball! ;-)